Out-Growing the Game Playing of Dating

I took a night on the town last week with a couple of my Doe girls and had this cute guy come over to where our table was after I had casually extended an invite his way. So he came over and we start chatting at a local bar on the Westside. While a band is setting up, and we exchange some casual conversation. I can tell he is interested because when my girl's lean in to mention something to me (and vice versa), he is eager to watch us and eavesdrop. 

The band starts to play and he starts to play aloof. Then he starts conversation again and because I ask where he is from, trying to *gasp,* actually get to know him as a person should he tells me I am intense.


Hmmm.... intense. I decided to look up this word because automatically I actually found myself a little insulted.


INTENSE: (adj.)

(of a condition, quality, feeling, etc.) Existing in a high degree; extreme: "this job demands intense concentration". (of an action) Highly concentrated: "intense competition".

Synonyms: strong - keen - intensive - powerful


It's an amazing double edged sword... women in this town can't win. Either you come on too strong or you are too shy.

After a little more of playful bar interrogation,I discovered this guy was twenty-one. Suddenly a lot began to make sense. The hot/cold play was the games this guy was used to playing. Games I had gotten sucked into when I was younger. Frankly, at this point in my life I am a little too old for those games.


I never let a single experience upset me to the point where I feel like giving up. Life is all about trial and error, so all we can do is pull from our experiences (learn whatever lessons we can from them) and move forward and try to stay away from repeating a type of pattern.


As I was leaving, I realized he was looking for a hook up and nothing more, which was why I overwhelmed him by asking about where he was from and what he does for a living. Actually getting to know someone leads to emotional attachment.... I should have known better.


I am intense. I am a strong soldier, who knows what I want and goes for it. Some people find that intimidating, but then again... I don't want someone wishy-washy, unmotivated, or... as my wonderful Doe Girl Rachel* said: "It's better to be intense and interesting rather than ridiculously boring."


Well said, Rachel, well said.

Us soldiers got to put ourselves out there. Nothing venture, nothing gained. So as much as you may hate the dating games... you won't find your equal without putting yourself out there. And with some weeding out the inadequate ones you'll find someone who is worth talking to with some "intense" conversation... A guy that actually wants to get to know you as a person.

Jane Doe is still on this mission. Stay strong, soldiers!


Jane Doe Over and Out.