How to Avoid Dickmatization

Lots of Doe girls have suffered from a serious fever that is hard to shake. Here, I will cover the scary truth and how not to become a victim of dickmatization.

Dickmatization: The act of getting caught up in a sexual relationship that is going nowhere except the  bedroom.

Dickmatization is a real problem in LA.... most people think they are amazing in bed but really... are not. But when do you come across the pleasant surprise of someone who has some amazing tricks up their sleeves that it has you thinking about how you can't wait to get back into bed with them. This becomes a problem, and for some, even an addiction.

Sometimes, we tend to talk ourselves into things, make excuses for significant others (Oh he must just be busy), or even excuses for our own poor decision making etc. But the fact of the matter is sometimes people are looking only for a physical relationship. It's important to know: you can't make them suddenly real relationship material if that's not what they're looking for in the first place. Soldiers, realize that as amazing as the sex may be, all it is doing is wasting your valuable time of finding someone who may be the whole package.

Have you been the victim of Dickmatization? Ask yourself these questions...

1) Outside of sex, how well are you treated by him? Are you respected?

2) Does this relationship take you outside of the bedroom?

3) Do you find yourself justifying his/your actions that put you on the back-burner?

4) Does the sex keep you coming back for more while nothing else really does?

Avoid Dickmatization in 2 easy steps:

1) Love and Penis are Not Created Equal: Amazing sex is pleasurable and can become like a drug.  The addiction comes from feeling good and finding release. But sex does not mean love and sometimes, because women have an emotional connection to sex, we can confuse one for the other. It is important to realize that the more you go back to the person, the worse the addiction will get. I have said it before and I will say it again: know your worth, soldiers! Going back to a man who treats you as a booty call will not help your self esteem and will only make you feel worse about yourself and what you deserve. Don't settle for less! Important to realize: Small talk in the bedroom does not mean you guys are building anything more than sex. Has he actually taken you out of the house on a real date? Be totally honest with yourself.

2) Know Your Body: Discover your own likes and dislikes. As they say: practice makes perfect. Figuring out your own wiring, will help you help your future partners. Never depend on any single person to provide your happiness (or orgasms). Knowing what works for you puts you ahead of the game by recognizing when someone has potential or is on the right track.

It's rough, but you can get over this addiction. If you are looking for more than a bedroom romp, keep your expectations high so you will not waste your time with someone who ultimately has a game that will get old. And it always gets old. The sad part is the more time you waste with this person, the older you get and be denying yourself a real relationship. That is a tragedy no soldier should endure!

For a great in-depth article about relationships going nowhere, CLICK HERE for more helpful insight!

And note to my John Doe soldiers reading this, don't think you are in the free and clear... the term "pussy whipped" is basically the same thing....

Jane Doe over and out.

The Importance of Kissing

I recently received an e-mail from a fellow Doe girl about a man who she went out with who told her he didn't like kissing. I found this strange and immediately felt that this somehow had to do with him either feeling insecure about his lack of skill or perhaps bad halitosis. But after doing some research it turns out it is a very REAL problem that more than one Doe Girl in LA has confronted.

Turns out guys who don't like kissing may actually have issues with intimacy in general. According to psychologytoday.com, "people who aren't ready to merge love and lust will be more likely to avoid or be uncomfortable with kissing.  I think it's because no other physical act offers so many potent and equal sensory experiences for both partners simultaneously (regardless of sexual orientation)."

So if your significant other is uncomfortable with kissing I would ask you to question him on it. If it is a guy with intimacy issues it is important to recognize just what you are getting yourself into. If he is keeping his guard up, it may be that you might not even stand a chance to penetrate the wall he has built up in order to protect himself. If it has to do with him feeling inadequate, offer to teach him by showing him what you like and how you like to be kissed. Simple expressions like, "I love it when you kiss me like that" Help boost his ego. This makes YOU the center of the subject matter and takes away some of that awkwardness and pressure. If a guy is into you... he should be willing to try it out. As they say, practice makes perfect.

What a lot of guys don't get is women love kissing. It is the act that actually gets us turned on because women are imaginative... and we connect the dots to believe that if you are good at kissing you will be good at other activities too. Technique is important. Shoving your tongue down someone's throat is never attractive. We don't want to choke, and being too rough takes out the pleasure of it... there are lots of nerve endings in the mouth and tongue! "There's a unique sexual equality to the act of kissing.  It's the only sexual act that allows partners to simultaneously and equally penetrate and be penetrated with identical, incredibly neurally sensitive body parts." Discovering each others likes and sensitive spots is part of the excitement in a relationship. Every body is different and everyone has things they enjoy and don't. Kissing is unique in that it "offers... a range of leading, following and movement together as dancing (without an assumed male lead), so it gives people an alternative way to communicate intimate (and sometimes unconscious) messages about relationship feelings and status. For example, note who just wants to dominate with tonsil hockey, who is tight-lipped and timid about exploring, who does nothing but keep their mouth open etc." Kissing just like a relationship takes two to tango. You can learn a lot about your partner with a kiss... many things you might have not been aware of before so pay attention to technique. 

As always, compromise is important in any relationship, but if you are a kissing addict, be with someone who makes you happy. Sometimes people are so set in their ways it is important for us to realize we can't change them unless they want to change themselves.

So test the waters. Kiss and makeup, soldiers! 

Jane Doe over and out.