I recently received an e-mail from a fellow Doe girl about a man who she went out with who told her he didn't like kissing. I found this strange and immediately felt that this somehow had to do with him either feeling insecure about his lack of skill or perhaps bad halitosis. But after doing some research it turns out it is a very REAL problem that more than one Doe Girl in LA has confronted.
Turns out guys who don't like kissing may actually have issues with intimacy in general. According to psychologytoday.com, "
people who aren't ready to merge love and lust will be more likely to avoid or be uncomfortable with kissing. I think it's because no other physical act offers so many potent and equal sensory experiences for both partners simultaneously (regardless of sexual orientation)."
So if your significant other is uncomfortable with kissing I would ask you to question him on it. If it is a guy with intimacy issues it is important to recognize just what you are getting yourself into. If he is keeping his guard up, it may be that you might not even stand a chance to penetrate the wall he has built up in order to protect himself. If it has to do with him feeling inadequate, offer to teach him by showing him what you like and how you like to be kissed. Simple expressions like, "I love it when you kiss me like that" Help boost his ego. This makes YOU the center of the subject matter and takes away some of that awkwardness and pressure. If a guy is into you... he should be willing to try it out. As they say, practice makes perfect.
What a lot of guys don't get is women love kissing. It is the act that actually gets us turned on because women are imaginative... and we connect the dots to believe that if you are good at kissing you will be good at other activities too. Technique is important. Shoving your tongue down someone's throat is never attractive. We don't want to choke, and being too rough takes out the pleasure of it... there are lots of nerve endings in the mouth and tongue! "There's a unique sexual equality to the act of kissing. It's the only sexual act that allows partners to simultaneously and equally penetrate and be penetrated with identical, incredibly neurally sensitive body parts." Discovering each others likes and sensitive spots is part of the excitement in a relationship. Every body is different and everyone has things they enjoy and don't. Kissing is unique in that it "offers... a range of leading, following and movement together as dancing (without an assumed male lead), so it gives people an alternative way to communicate intimate (and sometimes unconscious) messages about relationship feelings and status. For example, note who just wants to dominate with tonsil hockey, who is tight-lipped and timid about exploring, who does nothing but keep their mouth open etc." Kissing just like a relationship takes two to tango. You can learn a lot about your partner with a kiss... many things you might have not been aware of before so pay attention to technique.
As always, compromise is important in any relationship, but if you are a kissing addict, be with someone who makes you happy. Sometimes people are so set in their ways it is important for us to realize we can't change them unless they want to change themselves.
So test the waters. Kiss and makeup, soldiers!
Jane Doe over and out.
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