Respect & Relationships

I recently received two e-mails with questions about respect and relationships. Relationships take time to build. Its a big deal and definitely time consuming unless you are the jump straight into bed Casanova type.... (there are a lot of them out there). With that being said, respect is the only way to really understand the people in your life. I decided to write this article as a 2 for 1 soldiers, so let's dive right in.

First and foremost: It is important to respect our friends. And I felt now was a good time to cover some ground on the friends and flirting rules. If you don't respect your friends, you will find yourself alone and without any soldiers who will ever want to back you up. In the first e-mail I received, a fellow Doe girl dished that she has a flirty friend who she thinks purposefully flirts with the men she is digging and she doesn't know how to handle talking to her friend about said situation because she is the sensitive type.

Its a tricky situation and girls are always unconsciously competitive to some degree. "Who's hair is the longest? Who's the skinniest... blah, blah, blah..." Let's not forget a lot of women will people watch and hate on each other in social situations: "Oh my god, what is she wearing?" I say, if your friend is flirting with guys you are into and you let her know you were digging them straight from the beginning it is important to be upfront with your fellow Doe girl so she can be aware she is upsetting you. Technically, she hasn't spared your feelings so why should you spare hers? Now, I'm not saying to come off attacking or cruel in the delivery of how you feel, but it is important to tell her it like it is. Ask her: Are you into John Doe too? Because it seemed to me you've been giving him a lot of attention. Feel out her response. Does she come off defensive? If she does she may be aware she is doing it.

If she is flirting with someone you are into it hurts and frankly, I know I wouldn't want to have a night out on the town with someone who is suppose to be my "friend" stepping on my toes as competition just for attention's sake. As friendships go there is a silent code of honor we are suppose to follow. This code says we are to be supportive as friends, and never be competition when it comes to potential lovers. This is what you call: RESPECT soldiers!

After talking to her about it if she does this more than once and reacts in a hostile manner, (which in all likelihood she will),  I think you should probably distance yourself and give her time to reflect on your words. Chances are, she flirts with your interests because attention on her makes her feel valued and special, which basically tells your she is insecure and needs validation. I call this the case of hunger: Where said person wants to prove she can get what she wants even if someone else wants it too. If after your talk she keeps this up, I would honestly question the friendship because it sounds more like frienemies than anything else. You don't want it where down the road she could want to get "validated" with your husband in order to prove she's still got it. And hungry women are the ones who will take that attention any way they can get it. Tread cautiously, soldier.
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Now, in another e-mail I received a fellow Doe-girl wrote in about always connecting to the wrong guys and asking for how she can she break her vicious cycle of failed relationships. This one isn't easy and definitely not so black and white but it actually deals partly with the article listed above in some fashion. A lot of people out there are hungry... and I am not talking about food. If you settle and constantly go for Mr. Wrong chances are you will never find Mr. Right.

Some women are starving for love.

We all have this little voice inside us that basically tells us how to judge someone's character. If you ignore that little voice and go down the same road over and over again then you are your own worst enemy and shooting yourself in the heart. Who likes going through pain, honestly? No one, soldiers. Change is within reach if you take the first step. Stop going for the guy you know will hurt you... and there are a lot of ways to compare a potential to your former flames. Was it purely physical? Did they place you on the back-burner? Were they constantly flakey? These are just a few questions to ask yourself that illustrates: He's just not that into you.

I don't care how great the sex is: bad boy or not, pick your self-respect up off the floor and run for the hills with it. Just because he is great in the sack doesn't mean he will ever respect you. In fact, chances are... the more you come back... the more he knows he can get away with being a dick and that you will accept it. Go for someone different from what you have typically gone for.

Change is good. But just know, you can blame all the jerks out there, or grow up and put the blame where it actually belongs: on you. Stop being attracted to the jerks and giving them the time of day... take the wheel and drive in the direction of your own happiness. You'll only get there if you take the first step and say sayornara to the ways and excuses of the jerk!

J.D. over and out.