Losing You In Someone Else

Soldiers,

I have lately noticed an unbelievably scary trend within the dating scene in LA... something that I found not only thought provoking but frightening at the very same time. It is a disease I would like to name "coupledom": this is a virus where a person gets so attached to their significant other that they cannot sever ties with that person in their life. Most of the time, these people (I have found both men and women do this), will stay in an unhappy relationship and take a lot of self-inflicted abuse with unhappiness rather than face the possibility of being single.

Why the self-inflicted abuse? Why settle for mediocre when you can find someone who supplies you with real relationship nirvana? The answer is scary: a fear of being alone. So many soldiers I have talked to about this have an unmistakable fear of being unlovable. Even in the narcissistic world of Hollywoodland (and the areas surrounding it) there is someone out there for everyone. And honestly, Soldiers, from the bottom of my heart I mean that! Nothing is more tragic than looking at someone you know is wonderful and watching them continue to sell themselves short and hold themselves back from finding real happiness.

Just because you two are together doesn't
mean you both have it "together."

So how do we turn off this tiny voice in the back of our head that constantly keeps us second guessing ourselves? The truth is you can't turn it off... nine times out of ten we are our own worst critic. And that little voice often hurts us more than it helps by making us second-guess ourselves and our value. While there is no way to get rid of it... you can drown out the  little voice by constantly reminding yourself how wonderful you are and what makes you special.

Turn down the volume of the "Little Voice,"
and give yourself some peace of mind.

When you hear that nagging voice start up say something aloud in front of a mirror (this is important) that counteracts the negative thoughts the little voice puts out. By saying a sentence that is positive about who you are out loud you give it not only more value as awareness but also create more of a statement by affecting your senses while you tell yourself just how awesome you really are. You see yourself saying it, you hear yourself saying it and pretty soon you will be able to feel it too.

I am constantly telling fellow soldiers that the only way to find someone to love you is to love yourself first. I cannot stress just how important this is! People come and go in life and being the strong soldiers we are, we have to be a survivor and not let our world shatter once one chapter of our life is over. If we learn from our mistakes then they become lessons. Lessons teach us not only things we want/don't want in a partner... but also teach us so much about ourselves. They only continue to be mistakes if you keep making the same one. Outgrow your mistakes and you outgrow bad habits, which will ultimately lead to a happier you!

                                              You are unique, Soldier. You are beautiful. 
See what you have to offer and make a promise to work on what you feel you have to work on... don't kick yourself or feel sorry for yourself. You are strong, you are wonderful... the only one who fails to realize just how much so is you. So make a point to change that. Make a point to set a new standard for yourself and realize you can find someone who makes you happy once you can make yourself happy.

So make a new years resolution to clean house on your emotional or mental roadblock baggage that keeps holding you back. I promise you will find a more incredible and exciting year right around the corner.... and who knows... Prince Charming might be there too. But I guarantee you won't find him while being in an unhappy relationship with someone else. Keep your eyes peeled, Soldiers! Adventures await you!

Happy New Year! :)

-J.D.