Another Year Older, Another Year Wiser?

It seems like it has been ages since I reconnected with my fellow soldiers. I have been trying to keep myself busy to avoid certain ideas and concepts of love and relationships and how difficult it can truly be to connect to another human being in a society that strives to keep up with the latest upgrade on top of already being the MTV generation. Hard facts to swallow.

It's not that I have become entirely pessimistic, I call it realistic. There are quite a few good guys out there, but let's be real, soldiers, they are few and far between. I recently reflected on the year behind me and it's funny because I always manage to get myself into situations and when I look back I say: never again. I am not one of those repeat offenders. This is good news. A lot of soldiers keep going back to the same person thinking the circumstances can change and that it will lead to a brighter future between you and said partner but nine times out of ten the same underlying problems resurface themselves.

I like to think there are no mistakes in life, just lessons... and this is only true if you don't continue to go back and be a repeat offender. Live and learn. I try to keep this in the back of my mind. Love and relationships have their highs and lows. To be entirely honest I had quite a few of them within the last twelve months...

3 Relationships with 3 very different men.

Let's start with the first guy. A commitment-phob. Fool me once... I luckily didn't waste too much time on this one after my dad pointed out to me he was more transparent than a plastic bag in his insecurities. I don't know why, but he had a lot of volatile relationships and I wanted to help him. Stupid. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. People who have baggage at a young age are trouble... so if there is already a lot from the get-go, pack your own bags and head for the hills!

And now onto Relationship #2: The Guy With No Backbone. This relationship was nothing short of a mess. Let's start off with the fact that this guy puts the moves on me when he was a friend's brother. I had been entirely unaware I had feelings for him until he made the move. This could convince you that since he made the first move, he has a backbone... right, soldiers? WRONG... what this means is he has a penis and he used it to give the illusion of a backbone. But as we know: a backbone and a penis are two entirely different things. I should have known better, but I didn't. He seemed like a good guy and we were friends and spent a lot of time together, but he was terrified of 'fessing up to his sister... and even though when the truth finally surfaced (because I told due to the fact that I have a backbone) both relationships went down the drain. And what's funny is I honestly don't regret it. As it was, I had a very creepy twilight zone experience from it, in which I woke up intoxicated and disoriented to his sister watching us sleeping. I thought for sure I would get knifed in the back *cue Psycho theme* but I luckily made it out alive. It was an ironic situation. I was scolded like a five year old for developing an emotional connection to someone I spent A LOT of time with... and for falling asleep next to him fully clothed. What was really ironic was there were plenty of opportunities that could have been walked in on that were a lot worse. As much as I hated not telling her for fear she would react the way I expected her to, I have to admit to myself and to you that there was something truly exciting about having one of those romances that are forbidden. It doesn't mean the sex itself is orgasmic, but the idea that anything could happen makes it feeling like you are living on the edge. And though most of these relationships go absolutely nowhere... it is exciting and something every soldier should try once. Just remember, don't be a repeat offender.

Onto Guy #3: The Friend Turned More... This guy was the friend I always ran to. The one who convinced me the guys I date are dicks. That I deserve better. That he was better. And after the man with "no backbone" I definitely needed a man's man who would definitely grab a bull by the horns. But as it turned out... friends turned lovers don't always work out because there is this illusion of what it could be like and when it isn't that it fizzles out like a wet flame.

Like I said before, soldiers, I am not one to have regrets... I learned from every single relationship I have had thus far. I realize a girl has to kiss a lot of frogs and I'm ready for something better. I'm not jaded about what to expect. But I have higher expectations for myself and what I deserve... as should you. I said it before, and I will say it again: Know your worth. Learn from your every experience and grow from them. They end up contributing to the layers that make you, you. These three situations may sound bad but I'm happy to be over and done with them because I learned so much more about myself, my "friendships" and basically that life in general is short.

I was always the girl that wouldn't ask a guy out. And now I walk up to the one I want and I'm bold. Nothing ventured, nothing gained... and I'm no longer on the path of settling. Onward and upward, soldiers.... seek out what you want and make it happen and kiss those past regrets goodbye.

J.D. Over and Out.