When Its Not Them, It's You

I received an email from a fellow "John" Doe reader asking for advice about his last relationships. He has informed me he has been out with four different women in the past year and that once they start to get comfortable with him he begins to get incessantly bored. I copied pieces of his email to share with you all.
---
Dear Jane Doe,

I can't help but find all the women I have gone out with boring. It's not because they aren't interesting, but they rarely keep me wanting something more and as soon as they start saying "we" I start to become an asshole. Not because I want to, or mean to, but because I feel they are jumping into a relationship too fast and that they aren't right for me, or worthy my time. I am good looking and have money. Where am I going to find a girl that keeps me wanting more and not just wanting more of someone else?"

Jake Doe

---

Well, Jake, I'd like to commend you on your brutal honesty but first I must pose a question to you. How are you so sure you are worth their time? No one likes to be treated as if they are below you and from what I can gather this is exactly what you are doing to these women. If you belittle someone, whether they are worth your time or not, it is going to make you unbearable. Snobbery is never attractive, confidence is and the two are very different from each other. In fact, snobbery will drive girls to want someone else and could drive away a girl that would catch your undivided attention.

What makes someone irresistible is when they make you feel like you are the only person in the world that matters to them. You look them in the eyes as if completely captivated by their stare, you blush from their touch, or listen to what they say (yes, really listen). If you act pompous and like you are only looking for the nearest upgrade that seems to suit you, then any girl with common sense won't want to put up with you. After all, if a person is so in love with himself/herself how will they even be able to make room to really love someone else?

It could be that maybe you are dating women below your level of intelligence, which is why they don't hold your interest. But only you can really answer that. It is also important to have realistic expectations in what you hope to find in a partner, I suggest making a list of qualities that you must have in a partner, qualities you would like to have, and another list of qualities you will not put up with. When you can visually see what you want it helps you discover if that is what you have been going after in a partner and more often than not, it isn't.

Let's get real here.

Writing our goals down helps us stay on the right track and keeps us motivated. With the fast paced lives we live it is easy to get caught up with other things and to lose focus. I also recommend asking if you are a good catch. It takes a lot of soul searching to really look and be honest with yourself and discover your strengths and weaknesses. Only then can you work on making yourself even more desirable.

Ladies, realize this: If a man is more interested in pumping iron instead of pumping you that is the epitome of a guy who is in love with himself.

Most importantly, you must realize that you must put out the energy you hope to attract. If you appear to be arrogant and conceited, or negative and self conscious that is the only partner you will attract. I usually tell my readers that you must first have self love (but not be self-centered) in order to find real love. The only way you can do that is if you stop dating and spend some time alone. This allows you to discover who you really are and what you need. The best advice I can give is put the shoe on the other foot and ask yourself, "Would I want to date me?" And remember to make sure you go below the surface of looks and money with your answer to this. Even the rich and best looking can end up alone. So remember, looks do fade with time, but a person's character lasts forever.

-Jane Doe over and out.