How To Break The Cycle

My fellow Does, I apologize for falling off the radar recently. Things got a little complicated on the battlefield front. But I am back and ready to inform. Will not disappear like that again. Scouts honor!

-J.D.

Cyclical Dating

I recently had a reader comment on how she always seems to fall for the same type of guy... the guy who needs saving. She explained to me her exasperation in these situations and so I decided to focus on how  cyclical dating is not only disastrous to your love life, but is also a really bad habit that you should break.

I decided to really hone this and do some investigating. We all go for what feels comfortable, but usually by doing this and defining a specific "type" we seclude ourselves from other possible (and probably more successful) relationships. Think about it: If you go for the kind of relationship where the person needs saving, why didn't the relationships work with the other people you felt you needed to previously save? Was the relationship doomed because you couldn't save the person? Or was it that once the person was saved you were no longer interested?

Stop crying the same tears.

There are many different types of cyclical dating. This could even mean going back to the same person over and over again hoping things will change for the better. If you feel comfortable with someone who is distant emotionally and you feel that you can help get them in touch with their feelings (and hope to get them in touch with yours) you are already setting yourself up for disappointment. Leopards don't change their spots. And if you think dating someone will provoke a change in them you will only be sorely disappointed.

Cyclical dating is like a disease, and you have to find a vaccine that can help you break the mold and try something new. When we put ourselves in situations that we are not use to we get that surge of feelings with butterflies because of this newness. This is what makes the relationship fun and exciting. If we fear that excitement and the possibility of finding something different that makes us happy, we can self-sabotage this happiness by running back to what we "know" and what feels like a constant. This is not a healthy relationship because there isn't room for growth and if you remain stagnant then not only is the relationship ultimately doomed but so is your possibility of any future happiness.

Don't close doors that you have yet to explore before being willing to take a peak inside. By not having a specific "type," you leave yourself open to more chances at finding someone you can click with and more potential suitors.

My fellow Does, do not fall in your own trap and create your own unhappiness by falling into this rut of the constant and safe. Take chances. Meet new people. Give others a chance to know you and to love you. This can only be accomplished if you are willing to take risks and let go of the past and what was for the potential of living in the present. As Grammy Doe use to say, "Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why we call it the present" Live in the moment and find your real happiness.

Jane Doe Over and Out.