Knowing When to Give That Second Chance or When to Walk Away

Relationships are complicated... or so I am told. However, I don't think they really have to be. I always get annoyed when people always make comments like "why things have to be so hard" with relationships. The funny thing I have noticed is that most relationships do not have to be hard. What makes it hard is the drama and conflict that is brought in by one or both individuals in the relationship. Relationships are easy in the sense that you should be with someone who makes you happy, not part of the time, but all the time.

So when the burden gets too great to bare, or we feel we have stopped being happy with this person we usually see the relationship fall apart. I see it all the time though, people say they are through when really they still have feelings for the person they have broken up with. You have heard of yo-yo dieting, soldiers and this is commonly referred to as "Yo-Yo dating" this is basically where the same couple breaks up, gets back together, then breaks up again, and AGAIN gets back together. On and on until the people around them get sick of the hot and cold soap opera love story of the boy/girl who cried wolf.

Its exhausting to ride the relationship roller coaster. Especially when we only have one life to live and we spend months, even years maybe flip flopping back and forth with one person. How do you make it stop? Well, the truth is only you have the power to do that by making an ultimate decision and sticking with it. Its all willpower. Sometimes the person is right for you but the time isn't right. Maybe they still need to get their ducks in a row, whatever the case may be, sometimes we have to question "should I give him/her another chance?"

This is the problem with second chances, they only work if one or both individuals are willing to change. Whether that change is to: grow up, commit monogamy, or anything really. But this change has to come from within them, we cannot make people change, nor should we expect them to because a lot of people don't. Some people never grow up, others can never commit. The truth is, we know going into certain situations what to expect from these people because we know them well and the only way they will change is if they want to. If you get together with someone again without either you or your partner experiencing this change/growth you will find the same ridiculous problems pop back up.

So until they approach you to convince you they have changed... say Bon Voyage! And remember soldiers, make them prove to you they have changed because talk is cheap.

J.D. over and out.