Romancing verus Physicality

Relationships are insanely tricky. There is a delicate balance in today's world of dating and though many things have changed, a lot still remains the same. Since the sexes are more accepted in today's world as "equals" there is a lot of work that is split down the middle in the dating world too. It isn't just left up to the guy to make the moves anymore. Women can also make the first move too!

Find your balance.

However, in order to make anything work there has to be a shared give and take between a guy and girl. This means you have to meet half way and cannot be in something that seems one-sided. This includes but is not limited to: being the person initiating the dates, being the one who always has to call or text message, etc. Chances are if you are constantly having to make more of the effort and letting your partner get away with it, things aren't going to change. I recommend pulling back a little and observing. It helps because it gives you a chance to evaluate your partner and see if they are worthy of your time; and yes, Solider, your time is valuable. If they don't put in as much of an effort once you have "backed off" then this gives you the opportunity to reevaluate the relationship and see if you want it to continue.

Take a closer look as an outside observer would see it.

What makes it romancing is having someone show they are into you by making the effort and putting in the time. That's what gives a relationship the honeymoon phase, and true with time there isn't as much "romancing"... but if you don't get it in the beginning when will you? More often then not, we soldiers can confuse being "romanced" with the excitement of being in something new especially with sex. (Yes, sex always complicates things, which is why Patti Stanger of Millionaire Matchmaker warns it is best to wait a while and get to know your partner and their personality before introducing sex into the equation). Sex adds an intimacy, which can get confused as being romanced when it is in fact only a part of it. Romanced is also being wooed: taken out, brought flowers, holding hands, cuddling, and all the good stuff that goes with the newness of getting to know someone you are really into.

So make sure that you can recognize the difference and know that a good, successful relationship has both the romancing and the physicality. And realize, Soldiers, that you deserve a relationship that has both of these. Allow yourself to be wooed and show your partner what they mean to you... by returning the favor. Find your balance of give and take and discover the bliss of pure relationship stability, it really does exist!

-J.D.