Being Mr./Miss. Fix-It

Many people are under the impression that we can mold a specific person into the lover, or significant other we feel we want and deserve. This is only partially true. Most people pick up certain habits from previous experiences and relationships so in trying to change someone by breaking such habits and teaching them "the right way," (our way). We are left believing it will build not only a bond or a type of gratitude but also show this person why you are right for them. This is the foolish belief behind creating the "perfect partner."

"Could you lend me a hand here?"

The thing you have to be careful of is that you aren't molding this person into the perfect partner for someone else.

A person who constantly needs someone to put wind in their sails and build up their confidence and ego is like a train wreck waiting to happen. They are always going to rely on you (or someone else) to give them the support that they need.

"I'm a catch!"

It happens often that when we try to fix or help a person they begin to feel good about themselves and seek this inflated confidence from others (in order to inflate them further). However, once they get knocked off their pedestal, and knocked down a few pegs they usually come running back to you. Do you help them? Have they learned how important you are? And what you have to offer them?

Probably not, and the chances are if you take them back they will disappoint you again.

The truth of the matter is this: everyone has small issues but you cannot give someone the confidence or equip them with the emotions necessary to experience a real connection with a person, or the capacity to really feel and experience a loving relationship. They have to want to help themselves otherwise what's the point? Your words come out to help them but they aren't really heard. It all boils down to this: you wasting YOUR time and energy on a person who has to experience self love and be open for love. You cannot make this happen no matter how hard you try. They have to want it, and they have to want it with you.

If they don't, then look for a fixer upper that doesn't have too many issues with emotions and relationships... simplify and find a guy who doesn't remember to put the toilet seat back down.

You will find you have a lot more time on your hands and will feel grateful that you are appreciated by the people who "give and take" with you, without trying to carry all the weight on only your shoulders and be left feeling disappointed.

J.D. Over and Out!