The Truth About Friends with Benefits

There has always been one time or another where the lines of friends and lovers has been slightly blurred. Mostly, its because you spend so much time getting to know this friend that you feel a closeness to them and comfortable around them. I, Jane Doe, must admit that I have crossed this line on two occasions and it is a one way road (once sex happens, there's no "going back").

There are both pros and cons to this type of situation. The obvious being the straight, no strings attached sex that leaves both partners feeling no pressures about having to woo the other. It can be hot, steamy and is sometimes the best sex you have ever had because you feel uninhibited (you can just be yourself). However, once you enter into this type of arrangement it must be clear on both sides that this is strictly physical and that is it.

A funny take on the "Situation."

The trouble with friends with benefits is 99% of the time, one person starts to invest their feelings in this arrangement or hope for more (this could happen without you or them even being aware of it). Or one person wants to pursue someone else for a serious romance, leaving the friends with benefits situation.  It basically leads to a lot of doubts specifically about the friendship and whether it will last (which most of the time, it doesn't). Sex truly can complicate a friendship because whether or not you feel comfortable about what happened you never can know what the other person is thinking and feeling. Even if you try to act indifferent about having sex, your friend can make the situation awkward simply because you hurt their feelings by treating the situation like it was "no big deal". YOU MUST: Talk it out before jumping into bed together because talking it out determines the arrangement.

I was seeing this guy Jay* and we became fast friends. I knew he was into me, but I had just come out of a serious relationship that left me heartbroken, I found myself not very trusting and ready to start something new. Jay had also come out of a two-year relationship. So we started off originally just being friends and that lasted for about two months. We would hang out, we even had some courses together. Jay and I would work on projects and study together or just simply talk. One night at a party, Jay actually kissed me and I found myself kissing him back. He told me he had found an answer to our "issue" with starting a relationship and suggested we give it a go as friends with benefits. I, (having never had previous experience with this type of situation), agreed. The sex lasted for a good four months... It was incredible. Yet anytime Jay saw a guy come talk to me he assumed I was trying to get with other guys behind his back. In retaliation he decided to flirt with every possible girl in front of me. Feelings on both sides got hurt and we drifted apart losing not only the wonderful times we had between the sheets, but also our entire friendship. Jay is a very good guy, and honestly I would not trade the experience because I learned a lot from it. Things like what I was willing to put up with, what I wouldn't, and what I wanted from a relationship.

If you see no possibility of a relationship and there is an obvious mutual attraction, it is important to explore, try new things and grow from said experiences (both the good and the bad). Just know there is the possibility of having your friendship go up in smoke. Or you could even unknowingly invest more emotions in the physical than you had originally intended to. Just as long as you know it is a "fling" (something that lasts for a while and then fizzles out like a match), the situation can teach you a lot, but keep your guard up and have fun with it.

Whether you and your friend will be friends after the fact is another story. One guarantee of a successful friends with benefits experience is to make sure you keep it between the two of you. Honestly it is no one else's business. It is an arrangement between the two of you, so keep it that way. Be open and honest with your "friend" about what you want and what you don't. As long as this wasn't a friendship for years that you are risking and is someone you feel comfortable around, you might actually learn a thing or two about yourself.

Just remember fellow soldiers, life is all about experience. So if you have the opportunity to learn and grow, then take it. Life is too short and no one likes staying stagnant in love, life, or experience.

-Jane Doe over and out.